In the beautiful complexity of being human, we experience a wide range of emotions – anger, sadness, bitterness, grief, heartbreak, loneliness, and rejection.
It’s important to remember: it’s okay to feel them all.
It’s a healthy part of being human. Let them flow over you, don’t repress them.
Here are some tips and tricks to manage and regulate yourself when you are facing a complicated emotion:
1. It is OK and human to feel ALL range of emotions.
Each emotion carries a message. On a physiological level, all emotions have a defined frequency. They are waves of energy that carry information.
Each human being has the capacity to experience all emotions.
Try not to judge the emotions you are feeling (ex: shame of being angry, …) and recognize it is healthy to experience them all.
Try not to repress or block the emotion, but instead feel it fully.
Observe how it makes you feel and stay curious about yourself.
Don’t forget: repressing an emotion or pushing it away is not going to make it disappear. It is a temporary illusion – that emotion will come back in your life until you accept it.
2. What is the emotion trying to tell you?
You don’t feel it for no reason, most of the time something provokes the emotion to rise inside you.
Ask yourself: “What is that emotion saying about the situation? Or about myself? Is there something I can learn from ?”
Take the time to dig deeper: what exactly made you feel that way?
3. What is your underlying need?
Now let’s explore what has caused you to feel that way.
You can feel angry from not feeling heard or seen.
You can feel happy from feeling connected to someone else.
Our emotions are always indicators of underlying needs, which are sometimes conscious and sometimes unconscious.
Stay curious about yourself: what is YOUR very deep and honest need that led to your emotional reaction?
Extra tip: when expressing a need, it is important to always speak in “I” and talk about yourself. Again, there is no judgment about the need itself. No good, no bad. How can you better understand this need of yours and express it better?
4. Manage your need = manage your emotion
We all have human needs.
However, we experience them differently and rank them differently in our values and priorities.
This means that the same situation can provoke different emotions for two people, depending on their personal experience and needs.
Understanding and managing your needs is key to regulating the emotions it cause.
Ask yourself :
- How important is that need for you?
- How would you rank it among other needs? How high do you place it compared to other values or needs?
Stay compassionate with yourself. We are all learning along the way.
5. Hack your system (our favorite one)
Based on previous constructions, how can you concretely provide yourself with what you need?
We often (unconsciously) expect others to fulfill our needs, creating dependency and … emotional reactions.
By better understanding your needs, you can now act upon it and take small steps in your daily life to answer them better and give yourself more of it.
Remember, your emotions do not define you. They are temporary guests, passing through the landscape of your life. Embrace them, learn from them, and grow through them. You have the strength to do this.
Start now, and stay kind to yourself.
The journey will be incredibly good!